My story with stories
How other people's lived stories helped me through a trying season
When I moved internationally with my family, I became deeply curious about how other families live. Everything was unfamiliar. A new country, and a new role as a stay home parent. I wanted to do more for them, now that I finally had the time. I was feeling excited, optimistic, and wanted to learn from others.
My curiosities started with practical house-related tasks. Back home, I had full-time help. Now that I had to manage everything on my own, there was a lot to figure out. But very quickly, my questions shifted to the kind Google couldn’t answer.
How long does it take for a six-year-old to feel settled after a big transition?
Is it normal for siblings to fight multiple times a day, every single day?
How much yelling is too much?
We were dealing with some very challenging behaviours with the kids. I was overwhelmed by the constant noise, the fights, the neediness, and the growing list of problems I felt responsible for solving. I had so many “Is it me? Are we too strict? Not strict enough? Is this normal?” moments that I desperately needed help with.
Apart from obsessively reading parenting books, I asked other parents.
I unloaded many of my “Is this normal?” questions onto a group of international mum friends. Most had moved multiple times, and while none had the same challenges with their kids, our worries, thoughts, and feelings often overlapped. That alone made me feel less crazy. We met often, and I never felt I needed to pretend that I had it all together. Our many moments of shared parenting chaos were the chill pill I needed.
At some point, we sought help from an educational psychologist as we needed an objective view. It took almost a year before the assessments gave us some clarity and direction. Even with data, we had so many questions. But we did feel a little lighter.
To get some space for myself, I joined a weekly pottery class. Every week, I sat with a group of ladies, many with grown children, some already grandmothers. I remember at some point thinking this group would be a goldmine for parenting wisdom. Our sessions were often filled with chats about family and life. One of them had gone through something similar with her son when he was young, and I held on to her words like clues in my puzzle.
“Just spend time with your kids and enjoy them.”
“Love them even when it’s hard. And they will be ok.”
At first, they sounded like cliché, generic advice. But as more stories surfaced through our weekly chats, those same words started to make sense. Their collective lived experience gave the generic advice the context it needed for me to make sense of it.
In my search for answers, I never found one story that felt close enough to mine. But I recognised fragments of myself and my kids across many different stories. Slowly, pieces started to line up to form a cohesive story that finally clicked.
There wasn’t just one thing that helped. It was all of it.
The honest stories from other parents gave me distance.
The different perspectives gave me clarity.
The books gave me knowledge and confidence.
The data gave me direction.
Being surrounded by stories made me more aware of my own.
And all the tiny actions helped us slowly move forward.
That season was hard, but I’m thankful for it now. I’m now better at seeing people beyond their behaviour and discovered a new kind of compassion along the way. I’m still a little crazy, definitely not normal, but a little kinder, I hope. All thanks to the people who listened to my stories, sat with them, and shared theirs with me.
Note: I’m working on sharing the raw, honest stories I’ve gathered over the years for parents who may not have the chance to build a village as quickly as I did. Some stories come from the families I meet through this work. Some come from friends. Some are mine. Details will be changed, but the feelings and truths behind them will stay intact. If you have a story from family life that you’d like to add to this growing body of insight, I’d love to hear from you.